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January 26th, 2009
02:32 am
i have lived the life of excess.
i know it will be over soon
i loved every dance.
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January 17th, 2007
09:34 pm - delete delete delete?
I'm going through a cleaning up phase. I'm clinging to my mspace account but am working up to the big "deletion". I don't think that's a word. But it works here.
And so I'm going through this phase and I rolled around to LJ. When was my last post? I have no clue; I didn't view my profile. I was surprised I was able to log in. And I was ready to delete it. But then I realized that no one (or very few and select) know that I'm out here. Hmmmmm.....I think I like that. Perhaps LJ will have a little bit more of my time in the future.
Time will tell.
But I'm not ready to delete ya just yet.....
Current Music: evaporated.....ben folds five
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August 23rd, 2005
10:41 pm
the bass ports.
a low constant hum
somewhere in the back
ground.
i can see you.
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August 20th, 2005
12:03 am
it is
as it is.
and sometimes it's right
but write it down and
i
t's wrong.
when your head speaks to
the tips.
the very eeeeeerrrrry, most uttermost
topsy turvy bits and pieces.
well, let's just say it gets confused,
and the fuse is set. but
huff and puff and blow it
with all
your will.
just gonna blow that
muthafucka up
!
and it is cryptic
you just gotta see though the bullshit amy.
you're gonna get it right.
just write it down
and stick it in that place
don't let me in.
none of of us.
keep it
close.
.
.
.
.
.
someone
will
find
it
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June 21st, 2005
11:57 pm
aaaahhhh, ya know. all is as it is. and such is life. i still drink too much. and more than i should. someitmes i wonder about the outcome and i thunderstorm away..........and they said......
"drowning myself is a game i play.....drowning myself away..........goodbye.......this is getting over her......"
this is getting over.......
all of them. this is getting over me. it's getting
over.
and yet things are good.
i just still feel the storm inside.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/angry.gif) angry
Current Music: alkaline trio
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April 26th, 2005
09:56 pm - i'm here aren't i?
it was pulling up on a year, so i thought i'd write.
i've scratched a bit here and there at work. things i now can't find but can't seem to forget.
i pretty much hate my job on a daily basis.
i wish she'd figure out where she wants to go. i'm ready to leave.
and my class reunion is coming up. who would have thought that i was class president??? and i don't really care to see any of these people.....maybe a handful. but just a handful. it's been a headache. i'd like to just show up and leave. wash my hands of all that.
perhaps people see ten years as a time for self-reflection. and here i've spent ten years lost in it. my head is full.
it's gotten me nowhere. nothing.
but a girl. i just hope she sees me. i may give her some grief. i really haven't yet. i hope i don't, but then i've never been one to keep up a good streak.
the taste rises in the back of my mouth. and the smell in my mind. and a quickened pulse.......has left me.
sitting at a terminal.
she just needs to see me. just me.
Current Music: Efterklang - tortuous tracks
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September 24th, 2004
12:14 am
and the truth is
i crawl.
i gnawl.
i find a way.
to keep you out.
because it'
s
just easi-
er
isn't it?
some days
i could take a gun
i could take a shot
and find my way
.but it's all
just a mister-
y
is
n't it?
the only one you never
saw l
the only one you never
caw l
fucking
bitch.
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September 7th, 2004
10:42 pm - the only living boy in?
dallas?
just not the same ring.
good thing i have the record.
god.
it has to leave
it has to get out
get
out.
get out
of my head
no more clouds.
no more shine.
and no more time
it just makes me apprehensive
contemplat
-ive
here i am.
here
i
am
.
just no more mumbling
and no more grumbled distance.
i just want to see the map.
and the bird's eye view.
.
.
.
i just want to be seen.
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September 6th, 2004
10:59 pm - sigh
what a great labor day. bought some cd's. went to the movies by myself. sat on a sidewalk cafe and had lunch while watching the passersby. walked around the dallas arboretum all afternoon and smelled a few flowers. caught a free show there by the dallas wind symphony this evening. magy met me after she got off work. laid on a blanket and laughed and talked and felt the night around us. such a beautiful night.
what a great labor day.
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September 1st, 2004
09:20 pm
canton saturday. i'm looking forward to it. it'll be the second time we've been. always a fun time.
i'm craving some roasted corn on the cob.
i'm a hick.
she likes that.
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August 24th, 2004
11:53 pm - things i need to give away.
i'm shedding stock.........
glass storage containers with breathable lids. 4 total, i think.
assorted cleaning stuff.
a bamboo end table that i got at millenium.
an old bird cage holder that i got at millenium.
an 8mm splicer/viewer
my records (fuck you all. i'm keeping my records)
a corner shelf that's rounded on the out-side.
younger punk-ier clothes before i became an old stodg-ey bastard
a wall mirror
an electric wok with lid-- it works, it's clean, i just don't use it
a blonde entertainment center that i found on the side of the road. i'll be keeping it until i move, but surely someone wants it???
assorted bamboo pieces - i had a plan once. it got lost.
my grandma's electric skillet (fuck you all. i'll keep that till the day i die)
2 stackable wine racks
a Lakewood 1600W electric radiator (after winter is over of course)
a deco desk lamp from millenium.
anything else?
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August 17th, 2004
10:57 pm - that's what mama say
she thinks i'm gonna, but i'm not. she don't even know. though she think she do.
all that shines. on the edge of my mind.
it do, it do, it do.
hey, you gonna get woked up.
you gonna get a surprise.
t'ain't what you hearin'
but what in my eyes.
Current Music: the impressions
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August 10th, 2004
12:11 am
i once was. but now i'm not so sure.
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July 5th, 2004
04:48 pm - today, it was a good day. didn't even have to use my AK.
it has been a nice weekend. went out thursday. danced a bit made fun of folks a bit. friday night, stayed in. saturday morning started puttin' up peaches. now, for you non-hicks out there. puttin' up peaches means: pealin, sectionin, mixin together with sugar and preservative, and then sealin in freezable quart containers with a bit of wax paper wadded up an' put on top to keep em' from brownin'. it was difficult not to use any ending 'g's in that last sentence. but i made it work. so yeah, put up some peaches. about 2 quarts. and we still have 3 trees yet to produce this summer!!! yay!! that means about 6 more quarts of peaches and possible some jelly! and we got apples comin in season in the next month or so. that could mean some apple butter! yummy! also bought some dickies and bird seed at walmart saturday. nice!
went out saturday night. got t-rashed. had a good time. more to come on that at a later time possibly. stayed in sunday and rented some movies. watched one. went to wade's and barbecued. worked on nick's '50 ford. got everything set up to stick the engine and the damned flywheel bolts were too long. what a bunch of bullshit. kinda killed the car working for the afternoon. maybe we'll get it this week. but we had some scrum-diddly-umptious bacon & chicken wrapped jalapeno's, roasted corn, boneless strips, and some of my fresh peaches for desert! mmmmmm,gargle,gargle,gargle.
got home about 7 sunday night, and played some poker over at the landlord's. i smoked! won at least $60. not bad considering i won about $40 two nights previous when we played. good week of poker! was gonna head out to spook, but i just didn't feel it. just not in the mood. enjoyed the rest of the evening at home and passed out about 1AM.
today was quite productive in an au'natural way. got up and went to lowes. bought some cacti, purple salvia, and day lillies. came home, mowed, put out some triazicide around the perimeter of my house to keep the ants and bugs away. then started planting some flowers. one pot that i used was a mint-green club aluminum stock pot from the '50's. i converted it into this neat planter.
here's what i did: drilled a hole in the middle of the bottom that lined up with the handle hole in the lid, bored both holes out so i could stick a 3' piece of all-thread (a threaded piece of metal like a bolt but with no head on either end), stuck the all thread through the bottom and double-bolted it on both sides. put the lid on the opposite end of the all-thread and double-bolted it. so now i have this planter with the original lid elevated about 2.5' above my plants. it looks pretty neat-o if i do say myself. i also drilled some holes in the bottom for drainage. in that, i planted the day lillies, the salvia, and two small cacti. it lokos pretty good if it'll just stay alive. the two flowers are supposed to attract hummingbirds which i'm trying to get to start coming to my hummingbid feeder.
the next pot i had to hunt for. so i asked my landlord if there was somewhere on the property to look to find something. so carolynn took me to the shed where the planting stuff was. and low and behold there was a 4' rat snake stuck up in some ground cover netting. carolynn freaked out and i went in for further inspection. it was all bound up and couldn't move. brian said it had been there for 2 weeks and wasn't dead yet!! it made me sad. yep, you guessed it. i went back to the house, put on some gloves and got my 8" beretta knife and headed back to the shed. it took me about 40 minutes, lots of cussing, talking to frank(i named him), and re-assement of the situation, but i finally got it outta most of that shit. never did try to bite me. it slithered off with some of it still bound up around it's upper body, but now maybe it'll live some kind of existence - though probably not a happy one. but at least we have our barn mouse exterminator partially back.
then i got my pot and planted the rest of my cacti - about 6, some bloomers, some not. if the flowers die, at least i'll still have my cacti.
so that was my weekend. pretty serene today. and i should be set for nature karma for quite some time. i hope some higher power somewhere took not of that. and i also hope i didn't get some funky disease from touching that thing. i had gloves on though.
i think it's time for a shower.
Current Music: mississippi john hurt - folk songs & blues
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May 27th, 2004
11:44 pm
fucking christ.
there was a time when there were only 43 smiths shirts on ebay. now there are 146. when did the smiths become so hip? oh where, oh where are the times when the world loathed the melancholy sound of moz, marr, joyce, & rourke?
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May 26th, 2004
10:40 pm
sometimes i miss
being comfortable
falling asleep with someone squeezed up tight
someone that doesn't know me
new music
smoking
my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach
roadtrips to no place in particular
drunk....and happy
the smell of menthols after a long night of sex
remembering the good times
finding the good times
good times
caring for someone
passion
dancing with no one else around
seeing my grandma
strong, firm handshakes
walking across campus
people that are who they claim to be
deep down laughter
myself
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April 19th, 2004
09:08 pm
mmmmmmm. it's raining. gonna sleep well tonite.
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March 31st, 2004
March 26th, 2004
01:10 am - *cough*hack*spit/swallow*blow*
i found out yesterday i have a sinus infection. that would explain seeing the doctor twice in a month for the same symptoms. of course, they wouldn't really be the same syptoms as before would they? since now, i can't bend down and touch my toes without my head hurting and seeing little black sparkles before my eyes. what is a better word for those things?
but yeah, sick. gotta get this thing kicked before vegas. sorry if i haven't kept in touch with you dallas-ites. hrm. perhaps that's just an excuse for my anti-social behavior?
maybe next week will be better. (with the sickness anyway. i still don't plan on talking to any of you. HA!!! )
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March 11th, 2004
09:57 pm - can't. stop. reading.
this book is fucking amazing. ya gotta pick it up. "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. the other book of his that i've read is "Neverwhere". it was good. but this is a completely different realm of book. it's the kind of book that you have to let the pages turn themselves. don't get hung up on minor jumps in flow, just keep pushing through and it all comes together at some point. it moves at a liquid pace.
I CAN'T PUT IT DOWN!!
i'm gonna be pissed when i finish it though. that's the one part i hate about reading. everything has to come to an end eventually. even if it's the best ending ever, i'll have to put the book down and move onto something new. maybe i just immerse myself too much into what i'm reading. i've been reading this book so much that i dream about the characters at night. is that kooky? i search in myself to make a connection to the characters and then i have to toss them aside when it's over.
maybe that's why i enjoy books in series more. something more to hold on to. or to look forward to.
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thethrowingboy's journal